When I Was Sober Shamed

Behind the benefits I’ve experienced from being alcohol free for almost a decade, there’s also been an ugly side ~ sober shaming.

If you're unfamiliar with what sober shaming is or looks like, here are just a few things I’ve experienced over the years.

~Been on a date where someone cried and walked out because I wasn’t drinking. I’ve never judged anyone because they were drinking.

~Had my professionalism questioned. Should working in alcohol treatment inspire curiosity about our own relationship with alcohol, rather than be challenged for our choices?

~Heard a condescending “Here’s Mr. I Don’t Drink” on a night out. I’ve always avoided drawing attention to others’ drinking choices, hoping I’d get the same in return.

~Been called boring for turning down a drink. I’ve never called anyone boring for drinking, but I have gently reminded people I’d probably be the boring one the next day with a hangover.

~Been told I have a superiority complex because I don’t drink. For me, not drinking is about becoming a better version of myself, not about being better than anyone else.

~Been asked if I was dependent. When I said no, I was told I should drink. Abstaining tends to be accepted if we’re in crisis. But not if it’s a lifestyle choice.

~Been told, “All this no drinking needs to stop, you need to knock it on the head.” I’ve never told anyone they should or need to stop drinking.

~Been told I’m “taking it too far.” I’ve had similar comments when I got into the gym. It's only ever come from people who, in my view, have a more complicated relationship with alcohol. I’ve learned this is projection.

These moments have been awkward and are reminders of how society still struggles to accept saying no to alcohol as a lifestyle choice.

While it doesn’t affect me anymore, it still happens from time to time, and when I speak with others in our community, it's a genuine barrier for people to improve their relationship with alcohol.

Some people continue to drink, solely to people please and avoid these type of comments or situations.

One of the reasons I’m not anti-alcohol, but pro-choice, is so that it never feels hypocritical asking for acceptance because I give acceptance in return.

With Arclett, I’m hoping that one day, being sober curious will be encouraged in the same way we encourage going to the gym, reducing screen time, or any other positive lifestyle change.