Ambivalence With Alcohol

I quit drinking 10 years ago because I became ambivalent about alcohol.

I wasn’t drinking daily or secretly and I could moderate. But when I drank I was doing it despite my better judgement.

Part of me wanted to and part of me didn’t.

When I was younger there was no ambivalence. Drinking was fun and care free.

I didn’t get hangxiety, I had more freedom and there were less expectations of me.

But as I got older and started wanting more from life than weekend drinking, that changed and ambivalence started to look like…

~Do I sacrifice my whole weekend for a few hours of drinking?

~Do I spend this money on a night out or something else?

When I started negotiating with myself I realised there was a trade off when I drank, and eventually that trade off wasn’t worth it.

Understanding ambivalence is what made me sober curious. It felt relatable because we can be ambivalent about so many things..

Caffeine ~ does drinking coffee / pre workout at 8pm make sense for me?

Gym ~ do I train tonight or skip it and regret it tomorrow?

Food ~ will this support how I want to feel tomorrow?

Money ~ do I really want to spend on this?

Most people would see those as normal everyday choices, but when I applied the same thinking to alcohol it was seen as drastic.

Not wanting to feel tired, anxious, drained or waste money became disruptive to social norms.

And around alcohol that comes with stigma that doesn’t really exist anywhere else.

That’s why our work with Arclett is putting alcohol non-use into conversations around choice rather than framing solely around crisis.